The Gift of You

 by Mary Jo Wehniainen

As a professional coach, people often tell me they feel as if something is missing in their life. When I ask them to elaborate, it’s usually very difficult if not impossible for them to pinpoint what it is.

If you feel like something’s missing in your life, maybe that something is YOU! Sound crazy? Read on……

Without even realizing it, on a daily basis we’re pulled in hundreds of directions. Everywhere we turn we’re bombarded with messages compelling us to "be" someone other than who we are. These messages can come from co-workers, family and friends, children, television, radio, magazines, and the list goes on and on. In other words, we live our lives according to expectations that don’t typically support our true identity. Doing so causes a lot of guilt, frustration, confusion and emptiness.

Instead of trying to live up to the expectations and messages hammering us on a daily basis, why not live in a way that reflects your personal highest and best? Each one of us is a wonderfully unique and gifted person. Many times, what comes naturally to us is so familiar that we don’t recognize it for the gift it is. Without even realizing it, we may assume that if it’s easy for us, it’s easy for everyone else as well. But that’s not the case! Each one of us is a unique individual, and all of us have very different gifts, skills, and talents to bring to the world.

One key in discovering what your own gifts and talents are is to think about times when you feel absolutely great. You have a special sense that you’re powerful, that you’re making an impact, that something you did was very successful and amazingly easy, or that you’re really excited and "turned on." For instance, say you redecorate your home office and you can’t settle until it’s just right. You finally get it exactly the way it’s supposed to be, and it brings immense joy and satisfaction. Or maybe you get really turned on when you "counsel" someone through a hard time. Or maybe you absolutely love to coordinate details of events that others would find overwhelming.

If you can’t figure out what your own particular gifts or talents are, interview people you have relationships with. They’ll be quick to tell you things that they assume you already know. (When working with clients, this is often one of the most powerful exercises they ever do. It’s amazing that most of us don’t see how we appear to the world.)

Here are a few questions you can ask them.

1. What do you see as my greatest strength?

2. What do you see as my unique gifts and talents?
     In other words, what do I do naturally and effortlessly that is special?

3. When am I most fully expressing this gift or talent?

Ask a variety of acquaintances the above questions, and keep track of the answers. You’ll be surprised at the results. (Make sure you ask people who’ve known you for different periods of time. For example a parent or relative, a new coworker, a neighbor you’ve known for five years, etc.)

Once you’ve identified one or more of your own unique gifts, talents or strengths (whether on your own or with the help of those you’ve questioned), the next step is to begin honoring your gift. Just start. Do one thing that will allow you to express your unique gift. Then look at creative ways you can incorporate your strengths and talents into your life on a regular basis.

If you realize you have the gift of hospitality, invite people over more often, even if it’s just for an hour or two. If you love to make things look neat and organized, offer to help a friend straighten out a messy room in their house. If you have the gift of compassion, make sure you put yourself in a position where you can give that to someone. If you love to sing or dance, have music you enjoy playing as often as possible and enroll in a dance class, join a singing group, or go to a place that has karaoke.

Within a short period of time, you’ll notice that doing more of the things that you’re gifted at and less of the things you dislike will make a huge difference in all areas of your life. It is much easier to go with the flow of how you are naturally "wired" rather than going against it. As you make more time in your life for the things that bring out the best in you, you will become more alive, more energetic, more exuberant, more fulfilled and much more effective. And as you begin doing more of the things that you’re naturally good at, the more you’ll attract things into your life that you love!

Another benefit of becoming more in-tune with your own natural gifts and talents is that you’ll be able to recognize, appreciate and acknowledge the gifts and talents of others. When you live life in a way that honors your own unique gifts and talents and encourage others to do the same, you’ll be making a significant contribution to the world.

Living should be a joy rather than an effort. Once you allow yourself to "be" who you truly are, things will fall into place with ease. Each of us has a very special gift to bring to the world. It’s like a beautiful fragrance that once fully expressed makes everything around it more wonderful, vibrant and alive.

Have a great time being you!